Bacon

I, like many others, have an obsession like bacon.

Everyone's copying me. I was in love with bacon first.

I bought bacon boxers and I'm a chick.

I love it's sizzling pop as it fries on the stove. I love the smell of the sweet maple and salty meat. But most of all, the taste. Oh, the glorious taste sent from heaven's angels; a gift from God to our taste buds. Nothing can make a person happier or feel more alive.

Now that, my friends, is REAL bacon. Not simply bacon "flavored things." And definitely not turkey bacon or soy bacon or any of that crap. This is real, manly bacon.

I do, however, have an assortment of bacon flavored things. Two chapsticks, a sucker with bacon bits in it, sunflower seeds, and toothpaste. I have a bacon tshirt, boxers, and a lanyard. I'm so cool. Dang. Anyway, bacon flavored stuff is nasty. I tried the toothpaste and almost puked. I couldn't get the smell of bacon off my lips all day after using the chapstick. And the sunflower seeds just weren't good.

I don't know what it is, but only the one, true, bacon, is worthy of eating.